Thursday, August 25, 2011

jumping hurdles.

It is the second day of classes. As of yesterday, I have had 2 freak-out moments; one of them being particularly bad (like the kind where I call my boyfriend wanting advice and he doesn't know what to say because I've really already made up mind about something, so I end up just crying and freaking out and getting mad).


So, in case you were all unaware, balance is one of my biggest struggles.


I have a lot going on this year. I'm graduating, I'm a Prefect (fancy term for R.A.), I'm the President of a Catholic-Christian sorority, I have to write my senior thesis, I have a job, I'm a volunteer at the Catholic Church my boyfriend is a youth minister for, and I still have to find time to maintain friendships, relationships, and my spiritual growth.


This isn't the first time I've had this problem... this is a close first for me freaking out about it this early (in second place for freak-out time is a week after classes start), but it definitely isn't a new thing. It is, however, always really difficult for me to deal with. When I'm not freaking out about the amount of things I have to do, I'm spending it worrying about disappointing those people who I'm doing the work for. Truth be told, that is the real source of all of my breakdowns: being afraid of messing up and disappointing people.


I don't know if you've ever encountered a perfectionist. Heck, maybe you're one too. But, the frustrating thing about Perfectionists is that they never try. They give up before the even run the race because, goodness, that road looks way too rough and the course too long and the other people way too fit! We never even try because, in our mind's, it's too difficult and we aren't good enough.


The crazy thing is, we're right! It might just be too difficult, but we can do it. We can. Because God is always there to guide us, to cover us in those times we are too weak and to pick us up in those times that we fail. We aren't good enough, we will never be, but that is the beauty of Grace. It wouldn't be Grace if we earned it or were worthy of it. We're right, but we're also so wrong. Those facts shouldn't stop us from running the race and jumping those hurdles, it should liberate us and help us to do it without fear or inhibition! We'll fail sometimes, we'll have to run the race a thousand, million, trillion times before we get right, but we can do it.


I know this year won't be easy for me, and I know that there will be plenty more doubts, fears, worries, disappointments, and breakdowns, but I also know that i the end, when I walk across a stage and my family and my friends are cheering for me, I will know that every little thing mattered and counted and helped make that moment happen. I will be proud, happy, fulfilled, and hopeful. But I will especially feel the Love and Grace God has given me to run the race.

Sunday, August 21, 2011

My Wish

Hello all! I suppose that for my first post I should explain a little about how I came to the decision to make a blog! Admittedly, right now, it feels a little weird explaining this to... well, no one. But, alas, I'll continue anyway! I am a senior in college right now and for the past few days I've been nearly obsessively looking at other Catholic blogs such as  barefootandpregnantblog.blogspot.com and catholicicing.blogspot.com as well as viewing a few other really awesome blogs! I was so inspired by what I was reading: the struggles and ideas and creative genius of women who, although so different in temperaments and lifestyles, were so genuinely and courageously Catholic. I was inspired, and I caught the bug. But, I suppose my strand has a bit of a mutation, because, although I loved what was being said on those blogs, I realized that almost every blog that I encountered is written by a Catholic woman in her late twenties - early thirties, has anywhere between 1-10 children and is a stay at home mom. I admire that so, so much! And someday, I want to be in your shoes (because, as you will soon find out, I am kind of obsessed with marriage and motherhood), but for now, I am a 21 year old college student who is merely dating and will probably not be getting married for a few years (though I desperately hope less). Although I love hearing about NFP and the joys of married life and motherhood, I have yet to experience that. I can pretend (and I do), but really that just makes it that much harder for me to live in the present (which is something I've recently taken up..). So, I wanted to start a blog where I can talk about the joys and sufferings of a Catholic young woman who messes up a lot, but is earnestly striving for sainthood. I want to discuss topics like beauty (hints the name of the blog), love, acceptance, temperance, pride, crafts, and relationships. I know there probably isn't a huge market for blogs for high school and college aged women, but I want there to be. I want to be what the women of those other blogs are for me! Maybe I'm being ambitious (and given my schedule this semester I most likely am), but I know I have a calling to minister to women, and I hope this is just another way I can do that. I'm not sure how successful or popular this blog will be, but I hope that the quality of what I say will counteract the mystery of what quantity of followers I will have. I would love your prayers and support (yeah... you... the one who doesn't know this blog exists yet...) and I love and thank you!!